Here you are,

but if you try sometimes, you might find you get what you need.

It's just a bitch when what you need is a high volume alcoholic telling you that what you deal with is never justifiable. And you're getting old, so putting up with that shit is kinda throwing away borrowed time. It's not as okay as it passed off for before.

Sucky. Ball suckin' sucky. I wish life didn't get like that.

but if you try sometimes, you might find you get what you need.

It's just a bitch when what you need is a high volume alcoholic telling you that what you deal with is never justifiable. And you're getting old, so putting up with that shit is kinda throwing away borrowed time. It's not as okay as it passed off for before.

Sucky. Ball suckin' sucky. I wish life didn't get like that.

ps. I also want to learn ballroom dancing. Really badly. That's where all the really cute shoes come into play. Yeah. That'll never happen with the boyfriend in the same zip code. Improving one's gracefulness is not acceptable.

Bored out of my mind this morning trying to respect other people's hangovers. By "don't drink too much cuz we 've got a long night tomorrow," I didn't mean, "stumble in at three in the morning and fall asleep on the bathroom floor." Clearly I need to work on my communication skills, and now I probably have at least until noon to figure out how. At least the dog and I will get a long walk in while the rain takes a break.


God, I hope this new year's eve doesn't suck hardcore. It's nine thirty and so far, no es bueno.

I was recently posed this question. I know there's an answer. Well, there's really two, no three sets of answers. There is what I used like to do before. There's what I like that I get to do now. And there is what I would like to get in the habit of doing in the future.

I used to like to:

1. go dancing with my old friends
2. have movie nights
3. lisen to music (that I like)
4. do well in school
5. volunteer
6. go to shows
7. read for fun
8. the list would be longer if I been of drinking age at the time, I'm sure...

I now get to:

1. go camping
2. go to amusement parks sometimes
3. kick it at the beach sometimes
4. do at least superbowl and thanksgiving w friends at my house
5. watch WAY too much tv (that shouldn't be on the fun list, it's not okay.)
6. play with the dog
7. milk the crap out of Sunday NFL Ticket
8. get retarded much more often that I would like (subtract two total from this list)

I would like to get in the habit of:

1. traveling more
2. going shooting at the range
3. entertaining more
4. going out with the girls more, or the boys from work as the case is now
5. seeing movies that don't have to involve blowing something up
6. backpacking or hiking
7. going to events like motorcoss and bmxing
8. see some live boxing or cagefighting for that matter (any opportunity to watch people quite possibly hurt themselves really badly, but in an orderly fashion, you know?)
9. reading more for fun

That's all I can come up with for now. Sucks to only be able to come up with good answers for questions six hours after they're asked.

Lord almightly! I am over it. I am more over it than I have ever been, and I am certain that I will continue to become even more over it as time goes on. The feeling that the feeling was mutual has faded to bad acid wash a long time ago. Far too long ago. The worst part is having to wonder after six years of "the best years of etc" if he would even miss me if/when I wasn't around. The truth is that even if he did, he would do his very best to appear to be totally indifferent. So whether or not, the result is the same.
That hurts like a BITCH.

It doesn't matter if you care, if you insist on not showing it. Words to live by.

I am not going to devote the last two thirds of my life to proloning our version of the parents on Everybody Loves Raymond. It's a cute idea, but a horrible way to live. A fucking criminal waste of time. Two more years. Tops. Serious as a heart attack.

I'm not. Fooled you! In the new house. Only have a half a dozen boxes left to deal with. Night class starts in less than 4 weeks. At least it's not accounting! New job kicks some major ass. Selling beer for a living is the shiznit! Oh, and the internet service is FINALLY working. Life is getting better all the time. Now I just have to finish college, assert my independence, buy a house all by my lonesome, and I'll be all set. What's heartbreaking is that I don't know how I'm gonna take my doggy to college with me, but I have a year and a half to figure that out. A good chunk of me would die if I had to entrust the handsome puppyface to someone else for two years. Yeah, not dealing with that part of the future at the moment. I'll save that for after this holiday madness. For now, I have updated my blog more recently than Awna, and that's what's important!

If I don't seem to be alive and kicking until May 16th, it is because I never want to take accounting again. I have to go make sure that doesn't happen.

Just got off the phone after three hours with one of my best friends in the world. It was a great talk. Our boys weren't home, so we really got to focus on the nitty gritty of life. That's why it took so long. And after three hours, it still feels like we're interrupting the conversation to call it quits. That's what happens when your bud lives 650 miles away and you haven't gotten to hang out in person for five years. That's so horribly sad and wrong. By this Fall I'm taking at least a week and a half and devoting it to my Oregonian roots. My grandma and grandpa can have four days or so, and my Zelliebeth and my favorite little big city get the rest!!! Gotta see if I can't convert a couple more people from pop to soda while I'm there. It's a soda. Now that I'm old I can rent a car to get from Portland to the grandfolks' and hit up my aunt and cousin on the way out or back... if I can afford it.

And I will sit in the smoking section every chance I get because goddamnit! it's a free country in a few states still! I will smoke in a bar, not because I enjoy cigarettes, but because it's a bar and I can!

But back to my buddy and what qualities make a long, but not lost, friend.

1. Candid and unadulterated honesty. What is the point of attempting to communicate if you're not trying to communicate the whole truth?
2. Unconditional acceptance. Topics/opinions are only taboo if the speaker thinks that expressing them will negatively effect their level of acceptance by the other person. Real meaningful openness can only happen when that fear does not exist.
3. Low maintenance. This is true for both of my best friends. We don't need exposure to remain friends. The connection is already there, lying in wait for when we get a chance to share our lives. Unlike romantic relationships, real friends don't require "work."
4. Genuine appreciation. Of course you can't love/support the bad things about a person if you really care about them and their well-being, but appreciating the hell out of the good atributes and occasionally pointing them out comes naturally in friendship.

I'm tired; so being analytical is beginning to require effort. Please contribute to this list on the comments. Nighty night.